So, posting only once a year kinda sucks huh? Sorry... You missed my entire first year of college and let me just tell you it was pretty good. A lot of stuff happened that would take a novel to describe to the one person the will probably read this. Let me just hit the major things. Lost Erin, Got a new Girlfriend, Kayla, lost her. Now I just recently got a new girlfriend as of yesterday. Her name is Caitee. Anyway, Let's go back to final days of senior year. I graduated and got accepted into Sonoma State. Yay! I met a lot of new friends there. I started out as a Comp Sci major. But I switched out of that after the first semester. Now I am right on track in becoming a business major with a minor in Econ. I met a lot of people the first semester including but not limited to: Jackie, Justin, Louis, Money, Kayla, Sarah, Vanessa, Maghen, Alex, Andi. Etc etc.... I mean, I cannot even name them all. but I am excited for this sophomore year coming. I am not sure starting a relationship a few days before I go back to college was such a good idea. But I know that is one less thing I will have to worry about is the relationship factor that I delt with a lot Freshman year. But I really like Caitee,she is the cutest red headed girl I ever met. So, I hope everything will be okay with her living in Oakley and me in Rohnert Park. Now, let me talk about Kayla, she was my girlfriend for ALL of freshman year. We spent all our time together overcoming drastic changes together and it was really fun for the most part, we made sure that we were not just boyfriend and girlfriend. But also really close friends. Things started taking a turn for the worse towards the end of the year though... We decided that we both made some stupid mistakes and we would take different paths and maybe meet up in the future. But I am letting you know that we are both very happy right now and both moved on into other people. =) And... we still are close friends. Anyway to wrap this up I am just moving back to Rohnert Park coming Sunday. And I will Miss Caitee tons. I hope this was a good idea....

I believe that even at three o’clock in the morning, the night is still young.
My life revolves around music. It’s the first thing I do when I wake up and the last thing I do before going to sleep. Unfortunately, being a high school senior and trying to pursue this passion is quite difficult since my life is like the stock market; it’s always busy, it is vulnerable, and subject to change at anytime.
I play trumpet. I have been for eight years. It has expanded my awareness of musical genres to what it is now. Recently, I started experimenting with what kind of genres I could blend my trumpet playing into. Some came easy, including Jazz, Classical, and Contemporary. Others I worked with, just figuring out how a trumpet would work in a song that might have an electric guitar solo, or maybe a violin feature. Styles like Rock, Orchestral, and Alternative have always kept me on my toes. But I have to tell you, I have completely fallen in love with my defined genre of pop/punk with horns.
I know, I know. That is not a real genre. I play trumpet in a band that would fall under that genre. We call ourselves Dice in the Icebox, there are seven of us, three guitars, two horns, a bass player, and a drum set player. The music we play is very modern and all original composition. Play trumpet for them is something that has changed my views of life’s musical aspect.
I just entered my first year of adulthood, this makes me the youngest person in the band and I am also the newest. I never really saw the side of music that has to do with recording it for the public’s ears. Now you can find me in a small closet-like room at three in the morning recording a sixteen bar hornline for a song, taking anywhere from one take to thirty takes and getting either completely frustrated with myself or accepting what comes out of my horn and taking that or trying it again. Sometimes we can be in the studio until five or six in the morning, or whenever somebody has to go to work in the morning. I have never been so devoted to music; it has always been an extra-curricular activity to me. Now, it is my way of life, I have to devote so much of my time and re-arrange my priorities to make room for what I love.
We are not always in the studio, no, just recently we toured down to southern California. We are originally from Northern California, the Bay Area, and from a city called Brentwood to be even more precise. We are a Christian based band so we play at places like churches and youth groups. But also, we play at your local venues, bars, parties, special requests, etc. During our small in-state tour I learned even more things about the relationship between music and I, it does not fill my gas tank. Music is now starting to take control of my finances; going on a tour is expensive when your share is paid for solely by yourself.
Alright, to break it all down for you, Music is a part of me; it’s my left lung, my right arm, my gallbladder, and my own heart. Everyday that passes I find myself growing closer with Music like newlywed lovers on a honeymoon. I have to thank Dice in the Icebox for it; they showed me what I love to do within the world of music. The studios, the tours, the lifelong friends, the dedication, the discipline, the devotion, and any other long word that starts with a‘d’. So therefore I believe in music, and the true beauty it holds within it. I want a little sticker on my license card that says ‘music donor’, so when I die, I can pass on my love and passion for it to someone who will use it to live off of it like I do.

The ’06 year has come to a halt. It is the most bittersweet time of the year for me. Saying goodbye to the old year and welcoming a new and fresh year.
First off I want to acknowledge my few New Year resolutions,
1) Leah Green, she is the most special person I know. She is my one and only. I love her, and I want nothing other than to b her boyfriend. So, I want that to happen this ’07 year. (It will. I promise you.)
2) Driver’s license. That is a hug factor in y life. Driving is the real key to a more free life and becoming an adult. Not to mention I will be able to go anywhere I want. Without asking my mom to drive me. I really like driving Chris’s car everywhere. It is nice. But I want my own car. And a nice license to go with it.
3) Simply put a letterman jacket. I want one so bad. I think it would boost my self-esteem. And it will show that I have progressed through High School with a purpose.

There are a lot of other things I want to happen, but it is four thirty in the morning and I want bed. And if I remember them I will write then under that list above. Something I need to do is practice trumpet. Like serious. I have not practiced in over a week. It is not because I was too busy. I just put other things first. This is not a smart choice. Especially if I plan to make a career out of it.
Another thing is my future. It would really help if I knew what I wanted to do for a earning. I mean music is amazing. But a freelance musician just won’t cut it. So, I need to weigh my options, my strengths my weaknesses, and things I could consider. This is crucial.
Let me talk about tonight, the last night of ’06. (Well it really is last night since it is the morning of 07.) It was the best night of my life. I got to spend so much time with Leah. From ten thirty until three thirty in the morning. It was truly amazing. But one incident I really want to remember. When Leah and I were lying in bed and all the lights were out and it was dark and the only sound was Chris playing melodic Piano in the background. All thoughts were gone, all worries, all stress was lifted. Nothing was bothering me, and it was like time stood still. The only people on the earth were me and Leah. I truly felt my love for her. I realized I really do love her and want to spend my life with her. Those few minutes or hours, I don’t know. I just felt amazing. It was the best time of my entire life, by far. Leah if you ever read this… You better be my girlfriend and expect to spend the rest of your life with me as your partner. I promise you that Leah.
That is all for now I will totally open this up tomorrow and just type my feelings out to this document. So, Happy New Year. And take care.
Time management, this is a big thing for me. I really need to watch and plan accordingly. It has been a downfall of mine for a long time.

Moving along, Make my mom like Chris again is another big factor in my life. I spend the most time with him. It would be nice not to lie my butt off everyday to my mom.
More later, Maybe.
Derek.

So, life. Life has ben runing smoothly. Just want you all to know I have finished driving school. Online. In a little under two hours... From fifteen after four until one minute after six. Record time I might say. So I am getting my certificate of completion in the mail in three to five days. More yay. So yeah that is it. You guys told me to get off my lazy ass... Well I didn't, I compromised. Haha.

Wow, we are back in school. Not cool. But it really doesn't seem like we are on break... Just a long weekend. Everything is back to normal. And marching band tomorrow. I hope we will be aboe to really nail our she for Friday. That is it for now.

Derek.

So yes I have some needed catching up to do... Let us start with yesterday...
So, Friday the 6th, a pretty normal day to say the most/least. It started off with me waking up at 11:30 after going to bed around midnight, not a bad nights sleep I say. I did nothing until two o' clock where I threw on some clothes and went to ska band practice. We practiced from two until six, where I went home changed into some decent looking clothes and headed to see a movie with a bunch of people from band. We saw "The Guardian", freakin' awesome movie! Very sad to say the least, but I liked it a lot. i believe I saw it with Prent, Becky, Nikki, Mari, Chris, and Hannah. After wards we went to Jack in the Box for some late night snackin'. I got some Double Jumbo Jack, very big and tasty. And we just hung out and partied it out like mad. And I went home and Fell asleep.
Now today. I awoke around nine so I could give my Kitty a bath and re-arrange my room. And I finished close to eleven, where it was time to head to the Band Room to meet up and head over to Ygnacio Valley for a pep band. The game was fun, we got to play a lot and we talked with the other band (which was also a pep band since it was on a saturday...) We lost the game, figures... We haven't won a game... YAY! (lol...) After the game Prent, Becky, Nikki, And we all went over the Kightsen to the Annual Car show. It was fun, the band was selling hot dogs to help raise money for Disneyland. And some side notes was that Bryce's truck was in the car show and LEAH WAS THERE!!! Which is not too much of a side note... I was so glad too see her!( I wished I could of dressed nicer) I missed her like heck! So we talked a little bit... She couldn't talk to me she was on duty, which means she was in uniform! She looked hot. (That was a side note:) After the Car show Prent, Becky Nikki, and I went to Becky's house picked up a book. Then went to Prent's house and picked up some movies and went back to my house to watch them. We all gathered around my downstairs TV and watched "Tokyo Drift" (The fast and the Furious) I liked it a lot. After that movie was over we all decided to part to we could do it again tomorrow night. And watch a lot more movies with tons of popcorn and People! Like Leah said she would go. Yay! If you don't know already I am really into Leah. So that is it. I have no more to say. If you want you can show up at my house for some movies. I don't care. Take care y'all.

Derek.

Hello all, today was completely... normal. But I liked it. First off I woke up around 11:30 and there was Kitty sleeping at the foot of the bed. It was nice waking up to him. My mom and I decided to head to Wall-mart to buy needed items, etc. That was lame and wasted time from 12:00 until 2:30. Hannah called around 2 o' clock so I gave her a call back, She invited me over to her place to chill with her and Alyssa. So, me being lame went over. It was fun though, we played Crash Bandicoot for a while and decided that was lame so we took a walk to a nearby park, there we sat on a bench for about three minutes and left. We arrived back at her house and Alyssa had to leave to go to dance practice. So, Hannah and I chilled on Myspace and DDR for a little bit when her mom walked in and asked Hannah to walk Foxy, the family dog. Hannah agreed, and I tagged along. It was a fun walk, especially when Hannah had to pick up the dog's poop. Wow that made my day seeing Hannah pick up Shit. =) We got back to the house only to play more DDR, I didn't complain. I got nick to drive me home around 8 o' clock, where I got home to some delicious cookies. I am currently eating these cookies with a tall glass of milk, very satifying.
Tomorrow I plan on spending time with Leah and Chris, we are hopefully seeing "The Guardian", which sounds good. And then doing whatever, so yeah I can't go to bed too late tonight. This laptop really makes me not sleepy and I stay up until 2 in the morning... O well. That's enough of wasting your time.

Derek.

Well, I am back. A lot has happened in such little time. Well I want to start off with my 16th birthday which was a lot of fun and thank you all for coming! I couldn’t have asked for a better one. Let us go into detail for all those who missed out.

My birthday party started at 5 PM sharp, first to arrive was Max, Mike M, and Mike D. they are some of my closest friends literally, because they live a few houses away. Lol. Shortly thereafter, Prent showed up. He was the DJ for my party. So he brought over a pumpin’ stereo to go along with my house speakers. It was freaking loud! Then more and more people started showing up, when enough people showed up I decided to head out to an open field of grass to start up some boxing matches and a football game. Let me tell you boxing was a huge hit! Mike M and Ryan were first to box, which was a really good fight! Ryan lost, no surprise though, Mike is really good and really strong. Ryan ended up with a cut upper lip, not too bad considering we are too poor to afford mouth guards. I challenged him knowing he was stronger than me, but I have more experience in the ring. This fight was my hardest fight I have ever fought. But I won! Yay! It was so close too, I was very surprised I won, But I knew I couldn’t lose in front of Leah. =) There were so many fights I can’t recall who fought who! Like I said, it was a huge hit!

Moving on, after about an hour or two, we headed back (I drove Prent’s car!) And the pizza was there waiting for us to munch away on it! Yum! I let people eat and hang around for about another hour. People played basketball, people boxed in my garage, people sat and talked, people played Xbox, a lot of people played Xbox… After about an hour of whatever, I called everybody into the living room to watch me open what presents I received and cards. That was really cool. I got tools from max, a picture of Hannah and me from Hannah, candy from a huge amount of people, and money from a huge amount of people! From my mom I received this laptop which I am writing this entry on.

After that I let people do what they want till nine, and then at nine I called everybody into the garage for cake. It was a big, black, and chocolate cake, yummy! A lot of people feasted on that. So my party continued until 10:00, where people either left of headed to Rock n’ Bowl. At Rock n’ Bowl the fun continued! Everybody bowled great! I was on lane 31, and the order of bowlers went: Megan, me, Leah, Chris, and Hannah. That was a huge amount of awesomeness. At the end of Rock n’ Bowl, there was only me, Leah, Bryce, Rebecca, Rebekah, Tiler, Joe, and Will. We all headed back to my house to stay the night, except Leah who had to head home to get up early for work. That was a lot of fun too! This party never ended! We all just stayed up and talked for ever. Tabby came and joined us as well! We ended up going to Jack in the Box around four I the morning… I was hungry so I didn’t mind. And we went back and ate in Tabby truck. Finally we went to bad I don’t know when. Oh yeah during the night, Kitty ran away when Joe and Rebecca left my front door open… That I was pretty worried about because I was leaving on vacation on Monday…

In the morning everybody was awake by 10:30 or so, we had breakfast and Bryce walked inside. I found out he actually slept over at Tabby’s. I didn’t care at all. So, we all ate and had a great time. Afterwards everybody left except Tiler and Will. Tiler dad picked him up after we were pretty much finished cleaning up the house. Will and I decided to spend some time looking for my Kitty, and Max even joined the fun! But then we searched every nook and cranny of Deer Creek. So we headed back to my house where Prent left all his stuff. They played some Halo while I cleaned up some more. In about 30 minutes I decided to head out and look again. Now it was raining, that sucked. I scoped out Deer Creek again. Still no sign of Kitty, now I headed back to my house. Will and Max left to go eat dinner and for Will to find out what has changed about his house since he spent the last 26 hours with me… Lol. I went out looking for Kitty numerous more times to receive the same fate Kitty was nowhere to be found.

Monday, October 2nd. Time to leave for Grover Beach, we left at 6 AM sharp, and got there at exactly 12:08 PM so a six hour drive, not too bad. There was also horrible traffic on Vasco and 580. Once we got there we headed to BJ’s ATV rentals. We rented two ATV’s I got a manual 250 Honda EX, you had to be a rider for more than 5 years and be able to pass a driven and written test. It was a hassle but I wanted than ATV, It is a beast! When we got to the beach I had to take the driven test, it was easy; a manual ATV means you have to shift the gears with a clutch. First you have to let go of the gas, which is a lever push button thingy, yeah, and then you have to pull in the clutch which would be where the rear brake would be, be now it is the clutch and the rear brake is now located as a foot brake for the right foot. And then shift gears by pulling a lever up with your left foot, sounds complicated but really isn’t. That test wasn’t hard so we are on our way; we rode in the sandy dunes of Grover Beach for four hours.

It was fun but then the next day we rode for another four hours, and I got into a pretty bad crash. I took a turn to sharply and rolled the ATV over and on top of me. Now I know why they say to ride with a buddy, but my mom is way to slow. So I had to push it off my left arm and I really hurt my wrist, it should be fine. O well. The ride home was really lame; I wish something could make it interesting. Anyways I got home around 5 PM and I went outside to feed Geoffrey and guess who came to greet me outside? Kitty! Yay! I found me Kitty! Problem solved! And now you read about it all! Cool. See you all later.

Derek.

Ok, Quick post. I realy don't have much time to do these. Yesterday was marching band, that was very Tiring. They made everbody get there at Five. That went really bad because of the uniform policy. I really hope we make it to dinseyland. I really don't like my mom... everyday she comes up stairs drunk as hell and looks at the computer screen and yells at me to get off. For no reason at all, she says "I have the right to do that, I am your mother!" I don't take her seriously. She reaks of alcohol too. She is doing it right now, I just wish she could realize how much of a fool and a disgrace to life she is. Other than that, we are ready for our show tomorrow. it will be good, you should come and see it! Ok i am done. I am sick of my mom yelling... I can't wait untill I get my laptop.

derek.

Well, I really don't feel like telling you about my day. Or what I did, or what I will do. But I want to say this... Shelly is such a close friend, I am very blessed to have her as a friend. This is going to be a short entry because I just want to thank her for being there. Thanks shelly. Your the best.


And thanks to all my friends. I have a lot of them. They mean so much to me. I don't know what I would do without them. I love you guys.

derek.

Well today is september 11th, this marks the fifth anniversary of the tragic event. Anyways on to more important matters... Yesterday after i posted last, I grabbed a bite to eat, hopped on my bike, and rode to the nearby park, Veterans park. There I met up with Hannah, Alyssa and soon after i arrived, Chris joined us. That was fun, it lasted a short hour and I rode back for some dinner. Then went back on the computer.
I woke up early monday morning, got ready ad headed over to school for morning zero period jazz band. That went pretty smoothly, and so did the rest of the day. First period was P.E, we finally have our teacher back after he went to visit his recently dead mother. So, it was a little bit better, But tell me, how is P.E even " better." Anyways moving on, second period is symphonic band, super lame, as always. We sight this incredibly hard piece called 'Folk Dances'. Then Justin and I took the drum-line out to the field to work on the show. That went as well as it could, for how bad this show will be on Friday. anyways, yes, we need to comprise, I will do that tomorrow.
Moving along is third period, American studies. This is a rather weird class, hard one day. Easy the next, I had Ms. Beaver today, It was a super easy day. First we took the standard 1 test which I totally aced, then Marcus and I did our little skit for some extra credit and then we watched a movie. Easy. Then came physics, don't get me wrong I love physics as much as the next guy but still, does anything on the face of this planet need that much work and effort into one problem?!? Still it was an easy day, turned in my homework and learned about springs. LAME!
Then school was over, finally it needed to be over for a while. I am getting so fed up with ms. hurst ( so mad that i don't even want to capitalize her name). I got a ride home from Tiler, and then finished up any homework I had. Now I am here.

derek.

Well, it has benn quite a few months since my last post on LJ. So I figured to reconfigure my layout. I think it look much better.
I think i will start from scratch, so disregard any previous entries. I am a junior now. Basically living in High school. Especially the band room. It is very time consuming, but i chose to throw my life at band. Friday was the first football game. Which means the bands first field show. So, here is how that went...
Well, when everybody got there around 5:30-6:00 o'clock. everything was pretty smooth, but then turned hectic (like usual). well it all started off with putting the new uniform policy into action. It requires everybody to personally check out their uniform from the back closet, which forms a line of 65 and consumes time like a garbage disposal. So once everybody actually got the proper attire on we were running greatly behind schedule. Finally we got everybody out front the band room and starting to line up in the correct order. When problem #2 arrives, we were missing our drum-line. WHERE THE HELL IS THE DRUM-LINE?!?!
So we get more behind schedule because the whole entire drum-line is gone(except the bells). The whole band is getting pissed off, and we are in no mood to perform. so the drum-line comes around a corner at 6:40. And we are supposed to be on the field at 6:30 getting ready for pre-game which commences at 7:00 so we all were wondering where they were. I said i didn't care we are far too behind schedule to stop and ask questions. So we form the single line one again, this time with a drum-line and head out.
We get there, and to our suprise we entered with the J.V game in its last minute. So... we were early, Kinda it turns out that the football schedule was almost fifty minutes behind schedule. So now every body is behind schedule. Its not a good day. so we line up at the north side of the field. pretty far back on the track. Tonight was senior night. This is where all the seniors from the football team, the cheerleader squad and the marching band and there parents get reconigzed in this special occasion for there four years of service to which ever one they do.
And that is before pre-game. so now that puts us where the game would start at 8:30. When it was supposed to start at 7:30. So the ref and the head coach approaches us a little before we set up for pre-game and asks us if we could cancel pre-game. *WHAT!!! CANCEL PRE-GAME F**K NO* is was I thought to myself. but we agreed knowing that the game was running an hour behind. But we did get to play the Star Spangled Banner. and that turned out great. So we headed up to the bleachers and got situated. We had to skip the first quarter. That's how behind the day was. anyways that meant half time came really soon. Surprisingly, half time went really good. and nothing big except i almost fell off the stand because it was windy and it wasn't situated into the ground completely, or something like that. The rest of the game went really smoothly as well. So i got home around 11:30. and went to bed.
Saturday was absolutely nothing. left the house once around 6:30 to hangout with mike, nik, mike, and max. ( yes there are two mikes), so since I got a new camcorder we just were messing around making skate videos and stuff. Mike M can do a backflip so I filmed that. Then got home around 10:00 and fiddled around with the computer for hours, trying to get it to work. it hasn't worked since july, (just the internet actually) and that made me mad so I actually figured out how to do a complete system restore. Which requires two different CD's and five passwords.
I found it all in the owners manual sitting at the bottom of a drawer collecting dust. Because before i was trying to do a different system restore that only let me go back to a certain date. And now the computer works perfectly! so that was Saturday. now sunday was even less fun. All i have done so far is wake up, eat, get dressed, go to a community band gag. That was long and boring but at least all my friends were there. Got home around 4:30 and now I am finishing up some physics homework. And I will probably going to head down to the park to meet up with Chris, Hannah, and Alyssa. That will hopefully be fun. See ya

Derek.

Back from Tahoe! did all you all miss me? t'was hecka tight yo. well i cant wait untill chris posts pics of me. i look so rad. espically when i fall. thats hott. peace my children.

derek.

Geeze, ROBYN! sorry. i will remember that. well my life is awesome. why? you might ask? well you see the small picture but i see the big one.

I might be emo now and then, but at least i got great friends who are there for me and care what makes me so emo and try to perky me back up.

I got awesome friends. that makes my life pretty rad.

So hi,

well my life is very awesome right now. i am rolling right along. but people notice the bumps and ask me whats wrong. i tell them nothing, they know there is something. am i that obvious? well Robin called me and was like is everything ok? yes robin. are you sure? yes robin. are you positive. yes robin. are you...YES ROBIN! well no but i am not going to tell her... but then leah took the phone and she can see right through me she knows something is wrong... she doesnt even ask. whats wrong derek? ~sigh~ i was going to tell her but she said she would have to call me back. i want to tell her. i will. as soon as she calls me back.


derek.

well the weekend is almost over an it was a good one at that! on saturday we went to rock n' bowl. i think everybody who reads my journal went... sad aint it? wel the list is made up of thriteen ppl
1)me
2)chris
3)mike
4)will
5)matt
6)lucas
7)tiler
8)derek d
9)leah
10)robyn
11)elena
12)alyssa
13)hannah

t'was hecka fun! all for now. my life has seem to be on track again after a major de-railing...

Derek.

P.S~ i am not sucidal... oh please that is soo dumb.

I knew it i knew it i knew it i knew it i knew it i knew it i knew it i knew it i knew it i knew it i knew it i knew it i knew it i knew it.... i knew it. i could see it coming. i knew it was going to happen, but why do i still hurt inside. i cant belive it. i blew it. she is just a free bird. ~sigh~ well today she did it she told me why she was so emo these past few days... it was like sticking knives in my ears. i didnt know what to do. so many thoughts raced through my mind.

there is one thing i didnt tell her. and i need to write it down so i dont forget it... i still like her, i want a second chance. but i dont want this to happen to me all over again. Hopefully we can live our lives as close friends for now and maybe i will get a second chance. or maybe i am just dreaming and it is all over. but none the less we are still going to be friends... that would be a first for me, well kinda. i still talk to andrea, but we are not even close to a frendship, and kaleigh i dont even see anymore... o well.but with leah it is different. i said she is a little bit different than the rest on the girls. i dont quite know what it is but i hope to figure it out. maybe it is just she treats me differently. i dunno. i am just upset, and what is weird is that the one to confort my sadness, the one who i can talk to about her and our relationship, the one who listens and understands it and helps me all around feel better... is leah herself. maybe that is why she is different. she is such a special friend that even when she is the one to cause the pain, she can still confort me and make it go away. and i know that there will nonetheless be a great future between us. that is why she is different... she is a true friend.

Derek.

When you first red them you don't understand a thing, then sevral years later, you are like "Wow, that took like 2 minutes to read..." Same with girls... kinda. There doesnt have to be drama... i make the drama. and i dont need to. O well, all you all that read my skrew ups, there are all gone into the great world on comment screening. Yay! (for me) Well i guess it goes like this...I have been a crappy boyfriend so far because i havent been myself... i was tring to be a different person, and i guess i grew into this person.( and i also change over break, school keeps me in shape) And people have noticed that i have changed too. Bad thing. o well. i gotta fix that. bring to real "Old derek" back.

ya know, i figured also that none of my past relationships worked when i was myself around them, I gave them space, I didnt care who they were with or anything, but still cared for them more than the world. i learned that it was not my fault why they broke up with me... it was theirs, they were the crappy partner. HAHA! But maybe some girls are different, they like the old derek for what he was. ( i am causing more drama huh?) O well, I will see what i can do, The best is all i have to offer, because what you put in is what you get out.

Ok so my day... well it was cool. My mom woke me up at 8:00 =O yup... me derek waking up at 8. well i was soo tired.. but i had about 2 liters of Dr. Pepper. yeah! boy, was i hyper! well then we went shopping, my mom and I. Clock showed 12:30 when we got home. So since i had nothing to do i volunitarily put away christmas decorations. Ok now it is 3:00 and the christmas decorations are still not put away completely... sad. well at 3:30 we went to the gym, Gym Gym Gym Gym Gym Gym Gym Gym Gym Gym Gym Gym Gym .......................... ok, it is now 5:00, guess who called... yup leah. iwas glad to hear from her, we really didnt talk to long she had to eat dinner, so she told me she found the entry below and wrote a long deep detailed comment that none of you all will see anymore due to comment screening. my bunisess is my bunisess.ok, 5:30 i played DDR and then came to the computer. Yes i went on the computer... my mom was pretty nice and all today. so now it is 6:22.

Ok i am done... i figured out what I did wrong. I think I can go back to the old me. And who knows... maybe find out some new things.

One last thing... i think i just might keep this journal... i like the layout better.

Derek.

Okay...as most of you know, i have a boyfriend. YAY! We've kissed a few times but i know he wants to go beyond just normal little kisses and into more of the makeout kinda stuff. I dunno if i wanna do that... at least not right now. Frenching tends to lead to feeling up and i KNOW i don't want that. Advice time: how do you tell a guy that you don't wanna go any further right now? when do you tell him? when he tries it or before he tries it? Any responses???

thats me... i am a less than perfect guy, my name is not jeff, i wanted to keep this account a secret but i needed a second account... it has come in handy...( ok, off topic...) ok, i hope that leah can talk to me, i love her so much... i only want to go further if she is ready, is she isnt, neither am i. Leah, if you read this... i love you. i truly do. i want to be as close to perfect as possible, but you has to realize that we gotta talk about our problems, so we can get them outta the way. anyways... She cant just lie her way outta things.. like today i was talking to her on AIM and we got to a part that i figured out that something still bugged her and i asked her what it was and she said " idk" i knew she knew... she knew i knew that she knew...but she said " i just dont know how to word it..." but she knew exactly how to word it... " derek, i just dont want to go further in our relationship, not yet" o well, she wasnt ready and i know she did want to make things unconfortable at the new years party.

Speaking of Party, that was a little weird. i was glad to see derek D. again. he seemed like a pretty cool guy, we hung out a lot. and i showed him that i wasnt a total jerk. but other than that i accually didnt see leah a lot she was with robin and derek the whole time... i dunno i felt weird the whole time... i felt like a fourth wheel... so me and chris kinda did our own thing... COME ON IT IS THE LAST DAY OF THE YEAR AND I CANT EVEN SPEND IT WITH THE GIRL I LOVE! how sad. but it is just as my fault as it is hers. o well... bummer. well we had a walk with her and that went good. but at the end i wanted to kiss her so i could just get rid of all the jealous feelings inside of my body... but she said " o please we are a church" O well... i guess some jealous bugs still float inside me still... i know she loves me and would never leave me for another guy. yay! i am so emo right now... i hate being emo... it is almost 2:00 and i am going to stay up all night thinking of her and how bad of a boyfriend i have been and it is only 3 full days into our relationship... drama drama. *sigh*. I have never really been the jealous type i just get mad because i give the benifit of the doubt to the one i want to belive... so for example... tonight... Derek D. was flirting with leah, i know he likes her and all but she doesnt like him back, but i just was being torn apart when i saw it. i didnt care if she was flirting back are turning the shoulder, i was mad at derek, he knew she was taken... wow i guess i was jealoous... i just wanted to be with her.

Tomorrow we are going to see a movie... me, leah, derek, and robin.i can just hope me and leah can express our relationship. we dont have to do anything she is unconfortable with i just want to hold her and rest my head on her shoulder when i am tired. thats all i ask. o well i never get what i want...

Other than that me and Leah Green got into a fight... it was sad... i am just so mad that people tell her all these bad things about me and 90% of them are not even close to the truth, just a bunch of crap. o makes me so mad. she will never forgive me for these rumors... and if she belives these rumors, gets mad at me for them, and them hates me for them, and wont ever forgive me for them... i dunno what to think of that... so me and her went our seperate ways, but i want her to still be my friend... hopefully she will be my friend.

That is why i am in love with Leah B. i have never met a more amazing girl. o geeze dont even get me started.... she is a beautiful girl... i just love to stare at her beauty when she isnt looking...(shhh...). she is a very talented flute player and she is an amazing singer. her grades are flawless. she wants to go to ucla to become a lazer eye sergent. wow, that just blows me away. her family is really cool too. I can relate to her brother through video games. her mom really likes my trumpet playing and my pink tie. yay so i think i got off to a good atart with her, and her dad is a lot like me, he likes to make silly jokes and just kick back and enjoy life. and when i ate over at her house for dinner, it might not of been a big deal for them, but i never eat with a family. i always eat by myself. i pray before i eat by myself, i clean up by myself... i guess eating with a family really meant a lot to me. I as you all kinow i love ddr. i spend 3 hours a day on it. and i know leah likes video games like me and we can play ddr together! yay. But, i wanna hit the topic of how she is very indecisive, i know that she has an idea of what she wants to do but she never tells me and i have to pick something to do. it is weird... i guess i dont mind but it is sorta a pet peve of mine. i want to agree on something not just mope about coming up with things to do all night. but still, i want to spent as much time with her as posssible, even if that means choosing places to go most of the time.

School starts soon... yay... i cant wait, i hope me and leah can really express our relationship at school. This is where relationships get really hard... i have so many friends that call me up wanting to do something. and they all look up to me so i cant ditch them, either during lunch or during the weekends... but i waqnt to be with leah... o geeze i guess i will figure out something... well i hope leah can tutor me in chemestry... because i know i will need it.

I still need to tell my mom we are dating... she has just been so mad at me these past few days... it bugs me.. and if you havent noticed... i dont see her much... wow i have typed a lot... a lot of feeling have been brought out. so Leah if you have any "i wonders" hope this answers them. if not feel free to talk to me about them. and I love you.

Derek.

Thanksgiving was great!!!! i ate a whole ton of food, it was really good. Holly wasn't there..o well, maybe she'll be with me later when i shall await her arrival. she's so cool, i love her sooo much. No one but one random person reads thsi...how wierd.

~jeff

So i shall make a post, No one will comment. Nobody realizes I exist... I love only one person... Holly, But she is so afar, o well. I shall stop wasting your life if you are reading this. Goodbye.

~jeff